Saturday, September 26, 2009

Being ME

[This is a very long post....bear with me readers... But i cudnt think of splittin it... din think it wud make much sense... ]

I was barely a couple of weeks old when I was brought home… Home.. yes, it feels weird to say the word… home… home, a place where we feel we belong…

I opened my teeny tiny eyes to find many not so teeny tiny ones staring at me… they had a kinda confused look on their faces…

[ Don’t ask me how I cud remember all tht @ 14 days… This is a story n u r not supposed to ask questions… all right? ]

Some touched my cheek with little fingers… they were all kids.. my cousins…

My proud Mother had me in her lap… N I could see my Dad beaming….

I drank loadsa milk… I began to grow.. one day at a time… learning new things… watchin people… experimenting with the world around me….

I had a bunch of cousins to keep me company… 2 of them who were almost my age…

I was given a name, a beautiful one…tht one…

I was my Dad’s pet and my mom’s little baby….

I grew up.. under their vigilant eyes… their caressing hands…

I still remember the time I was sick.. down with chicken pox… OMG.. it was terrible… but I got thru… hale n hearty…

My parents have always been there for me….

I turned 10…. N then I grew on…

The year I turned 12…. One day I reach home to find my parents kinda troubled… Don ask me how I found out.. I jus knew it.. U get this feeling in ur guts….

I woke up @ nite to hear my mom cry….

I hated tht…

I hated the fact tht they were keeping a secret from me….

Was it me???

Had I done something wrong???

I askd Dad the next day while he was dressing me up for school…

No, beta.. its nothing, everything’s fine… run along, my little doll….Everything’s jus fine….

That evening I was told we were leaving for our native place that weekend… tht came as a surprise since we went there only for vacations n only if I had more than a couple of days holidays…

I never remember takin a leave for anything other than really important stuff… that being me getting really sick….

I askd Mom immediately….

Nothin dear… u got 2 days leave, ur exams r no where near…

We thought we could go n meet ur aunts n uncles n ur cousins… don’t u wanna meet them???

Yeah sure…

That night, mom did a weird thing.. I mean… while she was putting me in bed, she asked me if I would like her to tell me a story…

Okay…( she doesn’t normally do this… not since I was 8 or 9…hmmmm)

Baby, did u know tht many people do not have kids???

Kids are God’s gifts, you know… and many couples do not have children..

Yeah I know…aunt n uncle don’t, right… they always tell me.. they have me, so its okay… J

After our marriage, we did not have kids for a long, long time… n then we prayed, prayed a lot… n then God gave you…

I could sense she was breaking down.. I did not know why… mothers cry sometimes.. for reasons you never know…

What happended, ma??? R u okay???

Yeah I am….. I just wanted to tell you… we love you… we always will and nothing can ever change that…

I know tht ma… I love you too….( I hugged her tight, I held her close… I was scared… I did not know why… )

Friday came….n we set off….

On Saturday morning.. my aunt said we were going out.. jus me, my parents n aunt.. no cousins… they all suddenly had home work to do…

We went shopping… I got a brand new pink frock…and had strawberry ice cream…

And then we stopped in front of this large building….

It looked like a school… or even a hospital…

It had this big statue of Christ in front…. I prayed.. like I always did.. I was taught to respect all religions…

Why r we here???

Aunt has to see someone… come on, lets go in…

We waited in a big hall.. n then we were shown inside.. to see a motherly lady.. a sister…

She beckoned to me, I went near… she held me close….n smiled….

She asked me my name, and details bout my friends…

And asked me who I liked most, My mom or Dad???

Y do adults always ask that???

That is the toughest question ever….

N I love them both equally so I said tht…

She rang a bell…another sister came in and served coffee… I was asked to go along with the sister…

We walked along the corridor n I was left at a park.. a kind of play area..

There were swings… I liked swings…

I sat on one…

The Other sister, I think she was called the Mother Superior, came along….

And asked me to come with her…to meet some other kids…so that I could play with them… well, I hoped so…

She took me to this long hall.. it looked like a dorm… on the top floor…

There were about a dozen babies there… babies as in… cradles…

Wailing ones, sleeping ones, and I saw one that smiled at me…

You know who these people are???

They are God’s children…they come here after they r born and we take care of them…

SO… where r their parents???

They don’t hav parents, baby… God is their father, mother n everything….

SO.. r these orphans???

I was 12 and old enuff to know the term… I d been told bout orphans at school…

People call them orphans… they are not orphaned… they have God to help them…take them through life…

N us to take care of them when they are kids…

I didn’t have anything to say…

She went on….

12 yrs back….

There was a tiny little girl.. in one of these cradles….

One fine day, two good hearted people came and took her away… so that they could take care of her, look after her, love her….

I was… I dunno.. I don’t have any words that could probably express what I felt at that moment…

That was you… and look how you ve grown up…You are a big girl now n these are your little brothers n sisters….

Tears welled up... my throat choked… and I had nothing to say….

I ran away from the room… into my Dad’s waiting hands…and cried….

Cried a lot….

I do not remember anything else that happened…

Until that nite…

Dad came into my room and hugged me tight…

I had not allowed anyone to come near me till then….

Do all the cousins know???

( my first question)

What baby???

Do they know I am an orphan???

You are not an orphan my child… you have me, your mother…

Don’t ever say that again….

We both cried…a lot.. n then Ma came along n hugged me tight ….

We sat that way for a long time…

I just had one thing to say…

I wish you both had been my real parents… having adopted me, you love me so much… what would it have been like if I was really your daughter????

My dad jus hugged me closer n wept his heart out…

I was quiet… very much preferring my solitary comfort for a week…

N then.. I got out of my cocoon…I learnt to smile once again…

I got back to my drawing books…

I got back to my dance lessons…

No one has ever spoken of it again…


I m an year older now…

And to tel u the truth…. I do wonder who my parents really are???

Wouldn’t everyone want to know????

What would have made my mother not want me???

She would have had her reasons, I know… I prefer not to think of them

But…

Frm tht day onwards…

I am on the look out… for whom, I do not know… where I do not know…

But I have this fear in my mind… what if the person who walks by next to me on the street is actually my mother???


43 comments:

Lakshmi said...

To the readers...

This is pure fiction… so tht the readers understand tht I m not adopted :P

And a few parts of the story, I d heard from some one… the rest, I made it up…thot it wud make an impact only if i write it in first person rather than as an observer...

I really don’t know if my words suffice to explain the feelings the girl must have gone through…

Happy Reading,guys... Do hope u like it...(keeping my fingers crossed...)

Neha said...

I have few people on my bloglist who write fiction...but I have never read such a wonderful story...one of the best fiction stories I have come across...a comment about anything here would be an understatement...loved it very much...too good...

PS: I just noticed I have not blogrolled you as yet...doing it right away...tc

Neha said...

and it is not at all long gal...

buckingfastard said...

oo no!!! its alredy over!!1 i wanted 2 kno more abt her!!

beautifully told...nd rightly wont be half as emotional if wasnt told in 1st person!! :)

Lakshmi said...

@ Neha... my best comment'er'... Thanks a lot...
and let me tel u one thing... all what i ve written in my blog is actually real life stuff... I dunno if u can call it fiction...But the whole of it is not true... I made many things up... so i guess its fiction.. in a way...watevr...
I m inspired by things that happened to me or to ppl I knw..n guess thts wat makes the best stories... things that really do happen :)
I m so glad u liked it...:D

Lakshmi said...

@ BF...

I did try to right more... I really did.. But the thing is.. I found i cudnt empathize with her here.. I cudnt make things up.. coz I dunno how it is to be HER...
In fact, it is aftr writing this story that I feel how lucky I really am...

Dhanya said...

You are right! It made a huge impact coz it was written in first person...

I guess being told that one is adopted is the toughest thing a parent can do.. and you have put out the feeling across perfectly...

SiMbA tAgO said...

after the lastnight chat...i know u somehow...a little.....and seriosuly i dint see this coming....i have known,hell a lotta fiction writers whom i follow and jus love reading them... but to be true u outclass all..and the 1st comment from u that says ur not adopted, i must be insane, but hell yeah i loved that... cuz thats what i thought....

i dunno wt else to comment....



*smirks*

Vishnu said...

first of all.. dont tell that it is a long post.. i'll give u 2 reasons as to y not to tell..
1. pple like me will read it n close the window..
2. even if they hate long posts.. they'll read half the post and realise tht it is a long post.. then they'll feel tht since they hav read half, might as well complete it..

comin to ur story.. nicely narrated..
u shd be knowin abt the maniratnam's tamil film "kannathil muthamittal".. ur story was part of that.. in that way ur story was banal.. but still it was good considering the first person narration as u said..
am expectin a part 2..
didnt quite cyu around in ma blog..

P.S: i thought tht how could she remember at 14 days.. u answered it urself..;)

Lakshmi said...

@ Dhanya...
Thanks sweetheart...it was hard writin in first person too... coz i really din know how she felt... Mayb its a hell lot different frm wat i think.. but anyways.. this is my story, my Perspective... :)

Lakshmi said...

@ S T
Well... i know a few ppl who wud certainly hav askd me this aftr readin my post..thts y decided to put tht one..I even confirmed it with my mother before puttin tht line there ;)
Nyways.. Thank you.. I m glad u loved it :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Vishnu
First things first, I wrote in the beginning of my post tht its a big one due to ur sarcastic comment on my last post.. n Bud, no one is forcing u to read it ;)
Jus kiddin...nyways...coming to the post... I din really think of any movie script while writing this... this is a story tht is happening to someone I know...n mayb it sounds banal to u.. but to her,Its her LIFE...
Coming to the third part.. I do visit ur blog n read all ur posts.. its jus tht I din comment... Was too lazy to... Will certainly do the next time I come there...

N I think I shud hav put @ the first tht Its gonna be a long comment, mayb U d have chosen not to read it :P

Vishnu said...

at the first i wasnt into long posts.. now i think i can handle them.. thanks to u and many bloggers i think i will be able to read the comprehension passages in all the manageament xams.. my comment is longer.. lol..

Vishnu said...

u shd watch tht movie if u havent.. its one of ma favorites n plus it was a national award winner too..

Lakshmi said...

@ Vishnu...
I ve watched the movie... n I think its awsm.. I love the li'l girl n I m a BIG fan of Maddy.. :)

The unsure ascetic said...

Hey lakshmi,
Cool one that, really touched me. You went into the mind of a 12 year old and narrated her story. I really liked the lucid language, the tone and speed of narration, description of characters and their emotions. I actually got really moved by this one. Keep writing on these lines. It is really nice to see people take up such social issues. Kudos!!!

ZB said...

superb!

Lakshmi said...

@ The Ascetic...

Thanks a lot...I m flattered... :)
Glad that u liked it...

Lakshmi said...

@ ZB

Thank you.. :)

SiMbA tAgO said...

u have been been awarded

check my blog

kudos

gkam said...

OK.. very touching post.
And very well written..

Its always hard for a child to know that he/she has been adopted. Its soo difficult to explain what the child goes through...but u've done a gr8 job here! :)

Lakshmi said...

@ ST...
Coming over to collect it very soon...
Thank you... :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Gauri...
Thanks dear... I ve heard a real life story on the same lines...n mayb thts y i wrote it this way...

Bala said...

Excellent.... Wonderful... Awesome.... Really search for words to praise you and you beautiful writing...

Really moved by the story... Ur choice of words are very choosy that it is apt to bring out the right mood at each point of time in the story...

The story started with a happy mood... slowly melted like an ice cream to a moody one.... and gelled in to a teary note... Superb Lakshmi....

While reading your story, I was framing a different flow in my mind... But when I reached the touching moments in the story, it really moved me a lot....

It's really a gr8 idea of you that you narrated the story with the first person as you.. Else it wouldn't have brought out the same feeling...

Keep inking ur thoughts dude!!!

Mustaf said...

First time here from Neha's blog & I just loved it. I had my doubts while reading, but at the end of it, when I looked at the labels, I realized!!!

This is simply awesome, dont want to say anything else, just trying to absorb what i had read just now,it is yet to sink in.

Now tell me, how did you get the idea? because for all these fantabulous works, i am more interested to know what went in the background, the making :P?

Lakshmi said...

@ Bala...
Wow... u certainly r flattering me... n I loved wat u said...who wudnt, btb???

Thanks a ton... :D :D :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Mustaf...
I m so glad u liked it... :D
A part of this story I d heard b4.. the story of sumone gettin adopted... N to be frank, i hav no idea how an adopted person feels, this is jus my perspective... :)

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

now that's simply a 'WOW' post. You know i am the least senti person on this earth but there were tears in my eyes when i read this. u know u have developed this skill of hooking the readers to your story...something which i have been noticing in you since the first post that you have written.

Deepa said...

hello dear....all i hv to say is wow, awesome...i guess ds is nt a fiction stuff rite....btfly narrated,very touchy, cnt jst describe its beauty in words...tears welled up my eyes dear...i simply loved it....

Lakshmi said...

@ Gayu... I nearly cried while I wrote this story.. I dunno y..

I m happy u liked it... N thanks for that lovely compliment :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Deeps

Thanks a lot bud... I m glad u liked it...
Well, its kinda fiction.. I do know a person who's been adopted.. but her part of the story I do not.. I am not one to gauge her feelings.. I jus tried to guess...

bliss said...

great story... although i do understand that girl's thought of wondering about her real parents, i do think the fact that she was adopted wud make her lover her 'parents' much more!!!!!

in any case, great story yaaar!!!

Shanu said...

Wow..that was touching..i have goosebumps...awesome writing babe!

Uncommon Sense said...

i would have thought it for real.. very nicely written and a gd topic and format.. btw the profile pic of the girls is too cute..

i generally avoid long posts, but this one kept me glued to the end..

gd luck..

Lakshmi said...

@ Bliss...
Of course she loves her parents.. but its human nature right? the curiosity...
:D Glad u liked it...

Lakshmi said...

@ Shanu
Thanks :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Uncommon Sense
Thank you.. I m glad u liked it... :)

Insignia said...

Oh God!! That was so beautiful. Had it not been your comment, would have thought it were real. Loved it to the core.

Lakshmi said...

@ Insignia

Thanks a lot :)

blunt edges said...

sensitive topic n narrated wonderfully...great job lakshmi :D

Lakshmi said...

@ Bluntu..

Thanks a lot... :D

COMMUNI said...

and i thot it was you only. good work :)

Jidhu Jose said...

Dear, I read ur post not from the beginning. I really think its ur own story....when i go through ur comments, I understand the truth ...
well written....